If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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