Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
