If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
