Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
