So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
