I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
