Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
