anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
