Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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