You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
