After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
