I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
