I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
