just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
