david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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