where am i from again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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