Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
