Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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