I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
