90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
