ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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