As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
