i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
