Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
