Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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