what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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