Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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