There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
