I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
