Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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