just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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