she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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