He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
