i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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