Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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