he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Two words: nipple clamps
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