Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
