just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
