i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
