noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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