Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
