can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
