Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
