Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
