it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
