Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
