GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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