I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
