worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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