well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
