Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
