I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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