4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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