over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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